


Coffeehouse Drama

by BeetleQueen



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-22 18:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4845458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeetleQueen/pseuds/BeetleQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(My olden time followers might recognise this one. Had to do a little bit of rewriting just to correct some grammatical issues that were bugging me~)</p><p>Megamind and Minion are testing out the new disguise watches one morning at the nearest coffeehouse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffeehouse Drama

Roxanne was finally at the end of the line, and ordered her coffee. She had an extra long lunch break and was determined to relax. Handing the cashier her change, she left to join the second queue of people waiting to be handed their drinks.

It was then that she spotted a couple of strangely familiar looking girls at a nearby table. One was middle aged, and had a loose perm of mid length dirty blonde hair. She wore a purple faux fur coat, along with a large statement handbag. The other was much younger looking, and was dressed in a short black leather jacket, a ruffled black mini skirt, and a pair of patent leather knee boots. Everything this girl wore was was black, except her hair. Her hair was a shocking contrast of electric blue.

She wore heavy black eyeliner, and was laughing at something the older woman was saying. Then the motherly figure spotted Roxanne, and her face contorted into shock. The blue haired girl looked in the reporter's direction to see what was the matter, and a wide smile stretched across her face. "Miss Ritchi! Fancy seeing you here!"

Sweet Jesus, it was _him_.

She made her way closer to the 'women', and tried to keep her voice as low as possible. "What on _Earth?_ -"

"Come now Miss Ritchi, did you really think that we never left the house?" The vibrant girl asked.

"I suppose. But why're you disguised as women?" She tried to keep her voice as hushed as possible.

"You just answered your own question. They're _disguises_. Would you have guessed it was us if I hadn't said anything?"

"Probably not." She admitted. This really was strange, but not a shock by any means. He had a flare for surprising her with all kinds of outlandish ideas. But this one, she thought, didn't just take the cake; it'd made off with the whole bakery.

A woman's voice called out, and Roxanne snapped back into reality. "My drink..." She muttered as she went up quickly and collected it.

To the villain's surprise, she came back to the table and pulled up a chair.

He gave her an incredulous look, but tried to disguise it by hiding behind his large coffee cup. "Oh! Hello again Miss Ritchi!" Minion smiled warmly. "Just call me Minnie." He said with a wink.

"And what should I call you?" The reporter smirked at the girl who was now looking extremely uncomfortable.

The disguise's fingers tapped absent mindlessly against the mug in its hands. _'Blue nail polish, how predictable.'_

"I've never really given it much thought..." Green eyes darted wildly around the coffeehouse in suspicion. Megamind was now sitting back in his chair, so far back that it seemed to cocoon him entirely, as his eyes continued to scan the room in a panic.

"Never thought about it? But you always think about the smallest details." She teased.

"Well this is our first outing for these particular disguises." He snorted regaining some composure, "And I didn't think I'd need a backstory for one cup of coffee."

She smirked again, he was just so easy to mess with. She wondered how she could take it further, and then it hit her. "Hey, maybe when we're done here you gals can come shopping with me?"

Minion had already volunteered them both before Megamind had the chance to object.

* * *

They were walking through the women's lingerie section of the department store when Megamind stopped in his tracks. “Control pants..? Women wear mind-altering undergarments?! Those poor men, they have no idea that they're not even in control of their own actions!” He was nose-to-fabric with the strange pair of panties, a perfectly shaped brow arched as he seemed to be searching for any signs of wiring. Roxanne had to stop herself from bursting into a fit of laughter right in the middle of the store. She pulled the 'girl' away and whispered in the villain's ear, “They're for pulling in and restraining the bits of us that wobble.” and revelled in the tinge of blush she received in response. Megamind found himself thinking that he could stare at Roxanne's 'wobbling bits' all day.

The trio exited the store and began walking along the pavement past a string of shops. Megamind stopped yet again, this time outside a massive confectionary store, the eyes behind his disguise shining brightly as the mouth stretched into a wide toothy smile. “CANDY TIME!” He shrieked before flinging himself through the doors.

“I suppose we'll just wait here then!” 'Minnie' found himself shouting at his master's retreating form. One of the errands for their trip was to get more candy for the boss anyway, so Minion wasn't too bothered.

“I did wonder where he got all that energy.” The reporter joked.

Minion turned to her, “Oh, yes, sir needs a lot of sugar just to keep himself upright. Part of his alien physiology, Miss Ritchi.” The older women's face smiled gently at Roxanne.

“I keep forgetting he's not human.” Roxanne blurted out before she could even stop herself, and Minion's smile grew warmer.

“I'm sure sir would be so very happy to hear that!” And Roxanne could feel a growing warmth threatening her cheeks, and ears.

Megamind then appeared beside them, his trademark grin slapped across the round soft face of his disguise. “All done!” He was carrying two massive bags, and as he started walking down the street Roxanne could hear the shuffling of hundreds of packets of candy inside them. _'I wonder how long all that sugar will last him.'_   She found herself wondering.

“ROXANNE!” all three of them found themselves jumping in fright as they rounded the corner, and Megamind had found the time to dash behind his minion, dropping both his bags of spoils in the process, before using the fish as a shield. He peeked over the purple fuzzy shoulder of Minion's coat to see three women all jostling for a position to hug the reporter as they squealed in delight.

“Roxie, its been so long! How've you been?” A tall brunette with warm brown eyes asked.

“Oh, same old, same old. Still working at the station, and getting kidnapped on a regular basis.” She shot a glance at the blue haired girl behind her who returned it with a sheepish grin.

“And who are your friends?” A short blonde asked spotting the two other 'ladies'. She herself had grey eyes, and wore her hair in a straight bob.

 _'Oh, great.'_ Roxanne thought, she motioned first to Minion, “This is Minnie,” and then looked to Megamind, “and this is... Meg!” She mentally facepalmed. _'Meg. MEG. Oh, Roxanne, you're nothing if not original...'_

'Meg' squirmed nervously and came out from behind the safety of his friend. “Hey.” He gave a brief wave, and stuck both hands promptly in his pockets looking away nervously.

The third woman, sporting a brightly bleached choppy shoulder-length cut smiled, “Nice to meet you two!” and turned back to Roxanne. “You girls all feel like joining us for dinner?”

“Yeah sure, I've got a few hours before I've got to get back to work. You two are ok with that, aren't you?” She gave the pair with her an apologetic smile.

Minion was positively dancing on the spot, “Oh yes, what fun!” He said clapping his manicured hands.

“Of course, I would be only too happy.” Megamind's 'face' had taken on a strange expression. Was it pain? Roxanne took him aside as her friends began chattering animatedly with the fish incognito. “Hey, what's up spaceman?” She elbowed him softly.

“Do you mind if I just go to the pharmacy quickly..?” The villain's eyes were looking tired behind all the makeup, and there were a few creases in his forehead from the constant wrinkling of his eyebrows.

“Yeah, sure.” She responded immediately, and Megamind dashed across the street almost knocking the door off its hinges.

Roxanne made her way back to the quartet of women, all gaggling with one another, smiles on every face, _'Minion looks so happy.'_ she thought.

The reporter waiting for a lull in the conversation to butt in. “Minnie? Can I talk to you for just a sec? You gals don't mind, do you?” Her friends all nodded politely and went back to chatting as Minion followed an anxious looking Roxanne to the edge of the curb. “Is Megamind ok, Minion?” She whispered.

The hench-fish spotted the pharmacy across the road and smiled knowingly, “Oh, yes, he'll be ok. Just needs some painkillers. We've been in our disguises an awful long time Miss Ritchi.”

“Why would that mean he needs painkillers?” Roxanne asked feeling dumb, and Minion's expression shifted to a look of surprise.

“Oh, of course! You don't know how the watches work, do you?” he pointed at a rather masculine looking wristwatch hidden under the long sleeves of his coat. “Basically we use these to alter our physical appearance, and of course our voices too. Sir has many difference facades and voices programmed into the system at home, and before we leave the lair we just download them into these. We have so many that we don't even need to use the same disguise twice.”

Roxanne hadn't taken her eyes off the watch. It was incredibly intricate, and sported many different dials and switches. She then found her voice, looking up at Minion, “But why would that cause him pain?”

“Oh, right! Well, you'd think we're just producing a hologram, but those can go wrong in so many ways. We tried hard-light projection, but that just kept going wrong; couldn't stop the flickering. Sir instead just decided on good old fashioned atom realignment.” He said it as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

“Atom realignment?! That sounds way harder than projecting holograms.” She tried to keep her voice hushed.

The middle aged woman smiled at her, “You'd think so, but with a brain like sir's, some things just come easier to him than others. Funny, huh?” 'Minnie's' toothy smile reminded her so much of the original Minion hiding under the disguise. All the little details like this, and he didn't even make up a name? “Anyway,” Minion continued, “condensing a massive brain into such a small space can bring on very bad headaches for the boss. He'll be fine, he just needs some medication.”

Roxanne was mortified. He'd put himself in this position for her. He could've just left when she asked them about joining her and her friends for lunch, but now he was across the street stocking up on pain relief just so he could be with her.

The pharmacy doors swung open, and the vibrant looking girl immediately started tearing at the paper bag as she crossed the road, narrowly avoiding a cyclist. After bursting the small handful of pills through their sealed packaging she stuffed them into her mouth like a handful of Tic Tacs.

“Sorry to be a pain,” He finally said to Roxanne as he dry-swallowed. “You don't mind if I get another coffee, do you? Caffeine. Makes them... work faster...” He muttered.

“No, I don't mind.”

Megamind smiled slightly. “Cool.” He said before darting into a nearby coffee shop. He could feel her eyes on his back, and his cheeks started to burn.

Minion picked up the screwed up paper bag that his charge had dropped, and unravelled it to find a piece of paper inside. “Wow, Tramadol. Looks like he had to use one of his forged prescriptions again. I thought he'd only need a few aspirins...”

* * *

The six women were now seated in the small dining area of the Metro City shopping mall making themselves comfortable while awaiting their orders. Roxanne had asked for an extra large basket of chilli cheese fries. They'd been walking around the stores for the last 40 minutes, and the reporter thought she deserved a treat. She hadn't eaten proper junk food in months, so it was a no brainer.

'Meg's' order arrived first, and he practically inhaled half of the enormous burger in one bite. The five other women all gave him the same expression of disbelief, and he mumbled through a mouth of beef, “What?!”

“Sir!” 'Minnie' reprimanded before he could even stop himself. Luckily there was a male waiter not too far away, and so he continued, “-We need more water!” before shifting in his seat awkwardly.

The blue haired girl swallowed, “My apologies. I've never been what you might call a 'lady'.” And shrugged with a grin, some lettuce still hanging from her mouth.

"You don't say..." Roxanne snorted, but was interrupted when the bleached blonde suddenly moaned.

“Oh, no, it's Hal...” Everyone turned in their seats to see the approaching camera man, skipping in their direction, his hand above him in a wave.

 _'So, this is the bumbling idiot Roxanne is always complaining about.'_ The villain mused. In past kidnappings Roxanne had moaned a fair few times about her camera man's lack of understanding when it came to the word 'No'. Megamind had even offered to 'take care of him', which elicited a laugh from the reporter that neither of them had anticipated. She didn't laugh much, but he loved it when she did. And if he was not mistaken, it was usually him that caused her laughter.

Suddenly he felt rather special, and smiled absentmindedly to himself. He didn't even realise someone was talking to him until he found his hands being held by another pair. He looked up and came face to face with Hal. “JESUS!” He screamed in alarm ripping his hands from the other man's grasp.

“Hey, I was just saying, pretty thing like you, in a place like this. You're awesome, why have I never seen you around town before?” Hal's expression could only be described as love-dazed. If he had been a cartoon wolf, his tongue would be lying across the table at this very moment.

“Oh, would you look at the time!” Megamind pointed to his watch. “I just started my period! I really should be going...” He made to get up, but the camera man only got closer. _'He really doesn't take no for an answer'_ He thought in annoyance.

“Hey, don't be that way, its ok to be shy.” He was really pushing his luck, and so was Roxanne because in the corner of his eye, Megamind could see her, as well as the rest of the women all trying not to break down in fits of laughter.

_'You're loving this!'_   He mouthed to the reporter, and she whispered back, _'You have no idea.'_ before placing a few fries into her mouth.

Hal made to grab the villain's hands again, and he shot up out of his seat. “I'm serious! Blood. Everywhere. Have you ever seen The Shining? Have to go, if you'll excuse me!” All the coffee that day was having an unwelcome effect on his bladder, and he needed to relieve himself anyway. The fact that he was also getting as far away as possible from Hal was just a bonus. He was just about to jump through the door to the toilets when Roxanne suddenly shouted out.

“Ladies, Meg! You don't want to go in that one!” and he realised he was just about to dash into the gentleman's lavatories. Close call.

“Haha! Yes! Thank you, Roxanne!” He tried to act as girly as he possibly could and continued, “I certainly don't need a urinal!” And disappeared behind the adjacent door. Hal just stood there gazing after the villain, with a dopey expression etched on his face.

The best possible thing to come out of this was the fact that there were no urinals in here. Because of the way the disguise generators worked, it was impossible to remove one's clothing, and so to use the facilities he would have to turn it off. Women didn't pee standing up, and so they had to use cubicles, which was perfect for him. He needed to remain unseen.

Using the men's room was fraught with complications. He often got suspicious looks after emerging from one of the stalls, after only using it to pee.

Men were most definitely weird. But women even more so. There was a gang of them all in here talking to each other both from either side of the stalls.

_'Why on Earth would you want other people to hear you peeing?!'_   He pondered. He had a shy bladder at the best of times, but with a huge gang of women also in here, he felt the task would become impossible.

Suddenly the door to one of the cubicles opened, and a lady stepped out, walking across the tiled floor to the sinks to wash her hands. Megamind quickly ran in and snapped the door shut making sure the lock was perfectly secure.

* * *

Megamind emerged from the ladies restroom, and sat back down at the table with the other women, and the hapless camera man who had pulled up a chair in his absence and joined them.

He had been a bit worried about washing his hands. The watches weren't at all waterproof, and after a mishap in the rain last month, he'd had to open the entire thing up and work on it for a few days until he was able to fix it.  _'I really should've made it waterproof at the time._ ' He thought bitterly. Thankfully he'd managed to keep the watch from getting anywhere near the flow of the water.

The villain polished off the rest of his food quickly, trying not to lock eyes with Hal, who he could tell from the corner of his periphery was staring at him intently.  _'Don't worry, I'm not trying to eat or anything...'_

Before he even had the chance to fully wipe his face on a nearby napkin, Hal was up in his personal space again. Part of the blue man wanted to switch the disguise off then and there. _'That would get him the hell away from me...'_

“So, I was thinking...” The red head began, “You and me. A bucket of KFC. My place?” Cocking an eyebrow suggestively.

The blue haired girl fidgeted in disgust, not sure quite what to say to get the message through his thick skull. “Uhh... as _enticing_ as that sounds, you're not _really_ my type.” He was pressed into the back of his chair, unable to get any further away. “At. All.” His green eyes looked towards Roxanne imploringly.

An idea suddenly came to her, and before she could think about it in any greater detail she was out of her seat and in between her camera man and would-be kidnapper. “What she's trying to say is, she's not into guys like you. Or guys, at all.” Megamind was about to speak when Roxanne suddenly landed in his lap. “You were going to find out sooner or later, Hal.” and wrapped an arm around the blue haired girl's shoulder while leaning in. Their cheeks were now touching, and the disguise's face was glowing a faint pink, his green eyes growing cloudy as a lovestruck smile danced across his lips. Roxanne turned to look at him, and give him a brief wink, causing his legs to almost completely buckle under her. She felt his thighs twitch beneath her and stifled a chuckle. “You won't tell anyone, will you Hal?” The reporter asked the chubby man sincerely.

Hal wasn't quite sure what to think. The downside was that the girl he'd been coming onto so strongly was completely off his radar, but the upside was sat right in front of him; two hot lesbians. “Uh, sure. I won't tell a soul, Roxie!” He said with a wink.

Minion couldn't believe the display in front of him. He knew the boss had always had feelings for the sassy reporter, but now he was getting the impression that she was returning those affections. Roxanne was gazing into his eyes, her own blue ones sparkling, and the expression his boss was making was somewhere between elation and horny, as he bit down on his bottom lip and returned her gaze with half-lidded eyes. For all the hench-fish knew, Roxanne could be running through his bosses mind Baywatch-style, her assets jiggling in slow motion.

From the grin on his face, it was entirely plausible.

Hal suddenly got up. “I've got to get back to the station anyway, Roxie. I'll see you after your lunch break!” And with that he left, a perverted smile still plastered across his face.

Roxanne's brunette friend was the first to speak. “I had no idea, Roxanne. Not that its a problem!” She said waving her hands in front of her. “I'm totally open-minded.”

The reporter chuckled and detached herself from the villain beneath her. “I'm just sick of Hal coming onto me, and every other woman with a pulse. This way, I'm never going to be bothered by that creep again.” She said sitting back in her own seat. At these words Megamind felt his heart literally sink, that was until he felt a hand squeeze his knee from under the table. He looked up to see his number one captive smiling back at him slyly.

The friend with the bob chuckled, “That was just amazing. But aren't you afraid he'll spread it round the station? You'll never get a boyfriend at this rate, Roxie.” She said, her expression shifting from amusement to genuine sympathy.

“Yeah, well everyone in this city thinks I'm going out with Mr. Perfect Hair, so men don't even approach me. Think about it, would you want to come onto a girl who's boyfriend could _literally_ beat you into next week?” Roxanne said plainly. “And anyway, Hal's not going to say anything. He'll love the idea that he's the only guy in the station who 'knows' this. He won't tell it to anyone, that'd mean he'd have to share the fantasy. And he's too much of a perv to do that. No. This way he knows my 'dirty little secret', and he's never actually breeched my trust before. Sure, he's a creep, but he doesn't blab. Its probably the only redeeming feature the guy has.”

Megamind felt a rush of heat come over him as the reporter referred to him as her 'dirty little secret'.

Another problem with atom realignment was the minuscule space that his crotch was confined to.

He could feel every cell of his growing erection straining against the invisible wall it was trapped behind.

_'Definitely going to have to look into hard-light projection again...'_ He thought blushing.

* * *

It was finally time for Roxanne to be getting back to work. She and the three other women exchanged brief goodbyes, promising to meet up again, and the reporter finally left the mall with the two disguised villains.

“Sorry about that. I couldn't think of anything else to do, and Hal was 'creeping' all over you. He might've gone in for a kiss, and that would've just made things much worse.” She smiled sheepishly at the punkish looking girl next to her who blanched in horror.

Minion didn't even want to think about the implications that would follow if that lumbering oaf became his master's first kiss. But he could be certain that a whole bottle of mouthwash would find itself empty by the end of the day, if he had.

“It was. Not unwelcome. I mean, Hal was. Yes, _very_ unwelcome. But not you!” He stuttered waving his hands in front of him in defence.

Roxanne smiled as she leaned in and planted a chaste kiss on the girl's cheek. It was intimate enough to gain the reaction she'd hoped for, but innocent enough that it just looked friendly.

She saw the girl's knees start to buckle again, and smirked as she turned her back to him making her way back to work. “See you next time!” She called over her shoulder.

And Megamind found himself grinning stupidly. “Next time.”

He stood there for quite some time just watching her, until finally she turned the corner and was gone. Minion chose that moment to pipe up. “Sir. Where did you park the invisible car?”

_'Crap...'_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Haha! If you're reading this, you obviously read it all the way through.  
> I'm sorry if this was a mess of weirdness. I just had to get it down...  
> I based creeper Hal more on his original counterpart in the “Master Mind” screenplay where he was a total perv. So apologies if he doesn't match up perfectly with the movie version.  
> ..KFC, oh Hal, you charmer!
> 
> I was told a while ago on either LJ or ff.net that this needs a second chapter. Lemme know if that's still wanted! XD


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